Some years ago, when I turned fifty, I gathered with my BFFs (Best Female Friends) to celebrate the milestone that each of us would reach that year. It was a joyous and somewhat raucous Croning Celebration at a beach house that led to many more such times over the years. At one of our meetups, we got the idea that when we were old, we should have a Crone cottage together, staffed by a cook, a housekeeper, and a gardener (who some suggested could double as a toy boy). We would each have our own room but share communal space and camaraderie. It was a great idea, and we thought it was an original one, but that proved not to be true.
We’d forgotten that convents had preceded us. In the Middle Ages life was tough for females and convent living was a way out. There was a kind of freedom there, intellectually, educationally, and even politically, at least within the church, and sometimes the wider community. According to the National Museum in Zurich, Medieval nuns were not all living a simple ascetic life. Catherine of Sienna (1347 – 1380) is an example of women who evaded marriage (and childbearing). She chose to enter a convent and became an important voice in matters of church policy.
Later I learned about Beguines. They were part of lay religious groups for women in northern Europe during the Middle Ages. They led spiritual lives but didn’t join religious orders. The first group, comprised of upper-class women, started living communally in the late 12th century. They engaged in social and economic problems and supported themselves by nursing, sewing, and lace-making.While promising chastity while living with other similarly dedicated women they were free to return to the wider community and to marry, which would end their affiliation. Some claim, perhaps glibly, that these women were “the world’s oldest women’s movement.” Several of these women’s groups still exist in Europe, some of which are UNESCO World Heritage sites.
More recently, given housing costs and the cost of elder care, along with the challenges of finding one-floor living and the growing problem of homelessness, isolation and the need for support and friendship, the idea of group housing is becoming attractive again, especially for women.
In the UK, co-housing communities exclusively for women are becoming popular. An article in The Guardian last year revealed that a group of women in their fifties to nineties had set up such a community near a theatre, a patisserie, and other amenities in a suburb of London. As one of the women told the reporter, brothers, sons and lovers were welcome as visitors, “but they can’t live here!”
Many of these women, who live in individual apartments, work, volunteer, or remain active in the larger community in various ways. As the reporter noted upon visiting the women, “No one here bears any resemblance to the stereotypes of senior citizens.” Added a resident, “You can’t define us as old!”
These women fiercely reject the notion that they are a commune. They simple refer to their living arrangement as co-housing among a group of women who are “fiercely opposed to ageism and paternalism.”
A friend of mine lived happily with seven other professional women in two large houses for several years. Their ages varied but they could all relate to the various reasons for co-housing. Last year they’d had enough of American life given the political situation, so they moved to France, where they now live in two houses again. Each is well-traveled, unafraid of new adventures, and clever about reinventing themselves. The have found or developed ways to work there – one is fluent in French and the others get by -- and they enjoy exploring their new country and making new friends. This model is unusual because it means adjusting to a different culture, and not everyone over fifty would find that inviting or viable, but it speaks to the array of ways to live in a shared-housing community.
My Crone group is now well past fifty and our Crone cottage hasn’t happened. It’s no longer likely to become a reality, but we still think about it so who knows?
One thing is certain: It’s an idea that is growing and it makes a lot of sense. As one woman who has managed co-housing settings told The Guardian, “People who are attracted to co-housing usually want purposeful closeness to their neighbors as a big part of their lives. It’s not just about alleviating loneliness – it allows people to become part of an ecosystem of families and individuals.”
Almost two years ago my husband and I moved from a rural setting to a smaller home closer to town and we really got lucky. The street we now live on feels like a co-housing community. The individual little houses that we and others inhabit all make living on one floor possible, we are all in the same age group, and our neighbors are wonderful people who all look out for each other. I sometimes refer to it as a geriatric hippy commune (we’re all liberals), but really, it’s simply a great way to be in community as well as a participant in an ecosystem of families.
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